A History Of Me

It’s not the destination, it’s the journey… right?

Hello again, world. It’s me- Jeanette.

What’s that you say? Shouldn’t I be doing homework or studying or writing my English paper?

Why yes, in fact, I should be doing just about anything else under the sun. But what good would that do you? See, here’s my thing (we’ll pretend I have just one “thing,” for the moment): I am trying to balance a full-time school year with a part-time student job (not hard on its own) PLUS a normal life for a 27-year-old human being (that’s the hard part).

See, if for some reason I were sane, I would have done what normal folks do. I would graduate high school, ace my ACT, go to college, change my major maybe once, graduate on time, get a decent job, get married, have kids.

Instead, my life went like this: graduate high school, roll out of bed 30 minutes before my ACT and get a decent score, go to Mexico for the heck of it, go to college, lose 10 pounds because I fancied myself a starving artist of some sort, transfer to a bigger college, change my major, gain 15 pounds due to cafeteria food, run out of money and refuse to get loans because I’m hella stubborn, drop out of college, move to Indiana for the heck of it, participate in my very own love triangle, play video games for a year and make money cleaning houses so I can buy Pepsi and Easy Mac, gain 25 pounds, meet a great guy online (Josh), realize what I really want in life, move back in with my parents, have a crazy topsy-turvy long-distance relationship, find a job, break up, get back together,  get promoted, move to my own apartment, live on my own for a year and a half, break up, get back together, visit Louisiana because I can, almost break up, move to Louisiana because I’m crazy, transfer my job, live with 5 other people in a condo near LSU, get a raise, move to a tiny one-bedroom apartment with Josh, go back to school while working full-time, adopt a cat, quit my job, get another job on the spot two days later, struggle through 6 months with barely any income while Josh was job hunting, start volunteering, adopt another cat, move to a bigger apartment, get engaged, plan a wedding, have two anxiety attacks, get “upsized” out of my job (it became a full-time position), get married, take a painting class for the heck of it, decide it’s time to get school out of the way and register for a full course load, spend a summer doing nothing, start a student job where I basically do homework all day, and watch my life flash before my eyes when I lay down to sleep each night wondering where my day went.

THAT is why I don’t live a normal 27-year-old’s life. See how a person’s choices affect their situation? I really wouldn’t change any of it. I did the best I could and I had some great (and sometimes not great but still valuable) experiences. It all makes me who I am. But I feel stuck somewhere between 19 and 30 (which technically I am, so there you go) and there are days and moments when I just don’t know what to do with myself. Sure, I’m mentally and physically as ready as a person can be to have kids. So is Josh. We’re all for it. But I’m not done with school yet. Sure, I can pass for an average college junior. But I don’t get carded anymore. Sure, I could spend all my time on schoolwork and make straight A’s. But my priority is my marriage.

I’m in limbo, dudes. And I most definitely put myself here. Nothing left to do but bite the bullet and fulfill my goals… better late than never.